It's been awhile since the last time my mind thinks aggresively. It's not something that I enjoy doing. Not at all. A lot of times I tell myself, appreciate before it's gone but yet it still wants more. It yells that maybe something is better for me out there. This isn't it. There's something much more better than what I'm experiencing now.
Be a better person yourself first then you think about changing other people.
Sometimes, just because I do the things I do everyday without complaining doesn't mean I like it. And just because I don't say I like it, it doesn't mean I don't. Get it? I'm an expert at hiding my feelings and shutting them off for quite some time.
Idk. Maybe it's my turning point. I'm nearly 20. What have I been doing all along with my life?
Teringin nak pergi Umrah because I've never been there. They say it's a beautiful place. They say it's fascinating you'd cry. They say you'll feel close to Him. I've been so far from You.
Happiness is nothingness without completeness.
True that.
I was reading Contengan Jalanan by Hlovate for the second time. The first time I read it, it was uninspirational to me. Not really. It doesn't affect me at all. But this time, it's like, I need some different perspective, you know? Different environment and mentality.
This past week, I tried to make the first step. I lowered my tudung, covering my chest. Honestly, I felt safe and protected. Amazing feelings I got just by covering my chest, by doing it the right way. However, the response from people crushed me inside out. They condemned. They said I looked like a 'mak orang'. They said the style doesn't suit me at all. Unsurprisingly, I changed it back to the usual style. It wasn't comfortable at all. I hated it. People stared at my boobs like they're sparkling or something. Sigh
You see, this kind.
I want to be in a place where doing the right thing seems right and the wrong things seem wrong. How it should really be. Changing is not a crime. But it sure is bizarre to people nowadays. That makes it harder.
I want to meet people that inspire me to work hard for Jannah. That make me love Him more. That make me fall in love with them because they love Allah :')
This kind.
But I have to face the fact that I need to change myself before I expect people to change me. Even if changing means I have to face it alone. I'm not trying to pull the goody-two-shoes look here. It's just I guess that it's time already.
Sempurna ke hidup jadi medstudent? Sempurna ke hidup ada lantai, ada bumbung dan dinding yang melindungi? Sempurna ke hidup ada duit cukup nak beli macam macam? Sempurna ada degree? Sempurna ada kereta besar, berkilat? Sempurna ada orang yang sayang?
These questions have been lingering in mind for quite some time. Sigh.
Partially. I'm not complete yet. But it helps to fill small portion of nothingness. The rest, you ask?
I bet you know :)