I know if I let him go, I will feel empty again.
I will be that zombie again.
I will be that lonely Fazra that cries at night reliving every inch of our memories.
Part of me knows that some departing might do some good to our relationship but the truth is, no matter how many times we fight, how many times I messed up, how many times he say that he's disappointed on me, the last thing I want to happen is being apart for good. Being single again. Being strangers.
We won't be able to stay friends. Trust me. We won't. If we are to be friends after (mintak simpang) breaking up, we prolly gonna go back together or just stuck there with our feelings. Which will hurt more. As long as I can hold on, I will. I don't want any regrets anymore.
Not him. Especially not him.
I hope you stay strong, my precious. Bear with me just a little bit. I am, indeed, hard-headed, cold-hearted and everything. I'm sorry it's me that you have to love. I partly meant what I said in the car. That I asked you to find another girlfriend. PARTLY okay? It kills to know that I'm a disappointment to you. I know I can never meet your expectations. I'm coward as heck. I'm not at all brave. When I said I was egoistic, you didn't believe like really really really believe in me right? I am. I'm sorry that I am. I take things so lightly. Little did I know that one single text or word might change everything.
I'm sorry that you're not happy with me in our almost-one-year relationship. I'm so sorry that I don't have much to offer. I'm boring as hell, like you always said. I don't know what to do to make you happy when you're with me. Seriously, just get a new girlfriend already and be happy.
Haih.
I'm a disappointment. I never meet anyone's expectation. Typical Fazra.
I'm so deeply sorry that I'm a disappointment to you. You can go if you want. Orang redha sebab awak takpernah happy :"( As long as you're trying, I am too. But as soon as you're giving up, I lose hope already. Never ever doubt that I love you. Always and forever. I never lied about it, or saying it just for the sake of sweet-talking. I'm sorry for my immature behaviour that hurts people, especially you, in so many ways.
♥