People are slowly fading away from my life.
Maybe this is what I get for being so egoistic.
*tears
I deserve the cold shoulders. I deserve the sarcasm. I deserve it if they really wanted to go.
Since the beginning of time, hurting the ones I love was one thing I expert at.
And I didn't change at all. Not even a bit. Still the cold-heart Fazra.
*tears
It's heartbreaking when you don't know which way to take; letting him go or letting him let you go, because both ways will just kill me with the exact same pain. I cannot force him to stay if his heart isn't with me anymore.
It's understandable if he's disgusted to have been loved by me. While his love had given me much happiness I gave him the exact opposite. I used to think that my love was irreplaceable. That he was lucky to have me.
But it's completely the other way around. Fool.
I just know how to love. I don't know the rest.
Wait. I doubt that I even know how to love. But what is this heartache I'm feeling inside my heart? The whole body aches. Tears streaming.
I was terrified of rejection, of people giving me up, leaving me, putting me down.
Because people do that to me. All the time.
If they don't do it now, they'll do it eventually. That's just how the world works for me.
I don't wanna lose him. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I love in a weird way. Or maybe weird is not the word.
I love in an awful heartless egoistic horrible way.

For once, I want to be the best thing that's ever happened to someone.

I let my parents down, the whole family is hating me. That's not the best thing.
I pushed my bestfriends away, that's not the best thing either.
I broke his heart so many times but I begged him to stay to just have to do it again, that's not the best thing at all.


I deserve to be in this situation.