I miss reading.
I used to read a lot. However, there's a tiny bit of regret developing when I realize that I wasted my years reading love stories thinking that that's all that was important. I was so naive. Didn't realize there was so much more than just love.
I want a good book that leaves me thinking and, cliche alert, that makes me feel like I've lost a friend when I'm finished reading it. Not some love stories that make me cheesy and dream of the impossibles. It's not that I don't believe in love. I do. It's just that I stop picturing it as the ONLY thing in my life. I've moved the big ass spotlight from it.
There's just so much more to life than just love. Get me? I mean, there's medschool, and expectations and debts and career and future. So. Much. More. I was the one who thought that with only love you can survive anything. You can survive hunger, you can survive everything. You need no money. You just need love. I was that girl. I was that person that would give you the 'Cinta boleh lawan segala-galanya' response and who definitely would sing Bieber's As Long As You Love Me. Honestly. I was that girl who had wrote 'Love' with pink marker on every corner of her heart and brain. Literally. I was chasing, searching for the right kind of love. I was a saint of love back then.
Now, I doubt I am still that girl. She's grown up and surprisingly has erased most of the words she wrote. She changed her perspectives and wrote down new words. I laugh listening to As Long As You Love Me. I still do think that we need love, nevertheless. But not in a big portion. Just some nice amount. Or maybe a bit more :P
I grew up becoming a very complicated mind. Very dull. And conservative. The word that I always use is mature. Hehe. Just to make me feel better. Poor my sayang. Heheee
Screaming thoughts demanding to be freed. A mind that wants a change. A heart that loathes what's happening now in the world. And a soul that's begging for the love of her Creator.
I need some explaining words of what I'm thinking inside my head and what I'm feeling inside my heart. Words that just hit the spot, you know? When you read it, you can relate completely. You are connected to the book, to the author. And it changes you somehow. How you think about people and it makes you more you. Get me?
I miss that. I need a book. An inspiring one. The ones that people would think so BORING and only boring people read it. I need to start saving. And drag my bf's ass to bookstores and just drown myself in pile and pile of books.
Because I want to.
Being nerdy is so awesome you can't fake it.