Maybe I couldn't say this to you straight in the face and maybe you're right. As much as I want to tell everything to you (literally, to you), for some things I just couldn't. I can't speak out and say and I honestly don't know why. So I keep quiet.

I'm so used to having my problems to myself, it feels awkward to have someone eagerly to know them. It's kinda annoying sometimes when the time comes where I realllyy don't feel like sharing at all but he's bugging me like hell wanting to know everything. He wanted to share. His intention meant no harm to me.

And I need to learn to accept the fact that this one, this guy that I claimed mine, is one of a kind. He's not like the guys in the movies. He has flaws but really, he's perfect. He will try his best to make me happy. Literally try his best. He drove to Cheras for me, ponteng kerja ponteng kelas for me. He sacrificed his allowance for me. He will carry my bags and books because I'm always complaining that they're very heavy and my shoulders hurt. He cooked lunch for me. He listens to everything that I rant. Though he loves to annoy me to bits but I know he's listening. He pays attention to those little things and everyone knows that all the little things matter to me. He remembers things about myself that I don't even remember. He fills my needs. Wherever, whenever.

I know if I called him right now and asked him to come here, he would.

He would.



The point here is,
there are some things that I need you to know.

1) If you ask me something or to do something, I won't answer/do it.
eg : 'Cepat nyanyi' 'Orang tanya ni, rindu orang ke tak?'

I don't know why but I won't answer those. And if you go silent, I will too. I won't talk. At all. But I do. I do miss you and I do want to sing you a song but I won't. Stress -_-

2) I suck in having a relationship.

Why?

3) Friggin' huge ego I have.

I don't do efforts. I don't know how to. For me, love is enough. I say I love you and I show I want to be with you, I spend my time with you and that's it. Maybe bcs I don't know how to kot. I am restricted by rules and things that I set myself to. Get me? Macam, oh dia dah buat dah so I can't do that to you anymore. She said that to you so I can't say that to you anymore. Maybe you don't remember what you say, but I remember everything you say about your ex. Just to keep in mind not to do that with you. Because I'm scared you'd think of her when you're with me. Sweet. But the problem is, I don't have new things left to do or say when I'm with you. Kinda suck having me as a girlfriend.

I've stopped showing efforts long time ago. Sigh. My efforts were wasted. I spent my efforts to someone who didn't deserve them. And you're the victim now.

The more I talk the more I feel that I don't deserve you. Deep sigh..

Believe me that my heart is yours. All yours.

Maybe this is why people hate me.


I'm so sleepy.