I lack of emotional management skills. I'm sure I have it. I hate how I love keeping it all inside and feel nothing until something will trigger me and I'll breakdown real bad. And I'll cry and cry and cry and cry and just wanting to get away. Wishing for freedom or anything like that. Hate how lonely I can be. Hate how ignorant people can be towards what I feel. I hate how I have no control of my own life. People decide for me. Do this, do that. Say this, don't say that.
You know what I wanna say most of the time?
'I don't care' 'I'm doing this my way' 'It is none of your business' 'You know nothing' 'You don't know what I've been keeping inside all this while so shut up' 'Just let me go and let me go away' 'I want to do this my way. Please' 'I give up' 'I. Just want. To be free. To be away. To be able to go wherever I wanna go. Without people holding me back'
You know what I wanna do most of the time?
Tell the truth. Of what in here. Every time. Without the forced smile, the dragging, the fear of they might be in pain if I say/do that. I bottle everything up so much that one small tiny thing happens, I lose control.
Like right now.
Mom brought my clothes from BTHO without telling me or even asking me because my opinions/thoughts/decisions aren't important anymore. Cool. I get it, we're moving. Big deal! I can pack my own stuff. ASK goddamnit!