I forgot my url boleh tak -_-
Anyway,
I am currently spending my evening at home which I rarely have the chance now because balik dari campus sedar-sedar dah gelap. Sedar-sedar dah pukul 9 :/ Hari ni sampai awal pulak. Alhamdulillah, jam tak teruk sangat.
I realize that this blog macam lack of words these days. I posted pictures with short captions jeh. Things have been.. I don't know, biasa kot. This few weeks, been dealing with lots of emotional.. urm, depression? I don't know. I tend to put it aside a lot. Don't really want to clarify anything. Don't really wanna know what IT means. What I don't know won't hurt me.
But I feel like venting now. So let's hear it.
I've been feeling lost. I've been feeling like what I have will never be good enough, what I do will never meet anyone's expectations. I've been feeling like a quitter. Macam penat. Not the kind of penat where all you need is a good sleep and you'll be fine the next day. No. It's the penat yang giving up. Like, like, I don't care anymore. I've been feeling like I don't deserve any of the things I have right now. I've been feeling unwanted, neglected, hopeless. I feel like I'm such a burden.
I didn't spill any of it to anyone. Until now.
I realize when I don't speak about it, it hurts me less. At the moment. And when the time comes, like right now, and I'm talking about it, the pain isn't there anymore. Ignorance is. Which is kinda worst kot.
I'm not yet proud of where I am now. I don't know what I'm searching for or what I'm trying to prove. My plan is no plan. There's no plan at all. I'm just going with what's happening now. I'm not going against it, not trying to hard yet not ignoring it. Let's just see where this gets me.
The future is blurry again.