It was the first day of Raya. As usual, she got herself ready and all. Nothing was going to turn out special anyway, she thought. She cleaned the table for the food. She woke everyone up and then waited for them to get ready. While waiting, she laid down and closed her eyes. Her mind wandered to a place that she wanted to be at, at that very moment. With him, beside him. She pictured them having fun during Raya, she would introduce him to the rest of the family and they would go to places. Doing things they promised to do together. She sighed. How she missed him so much. How distance had no mercy upon them and how people could be so cruel to set them apart. But she know, deep in their hearts, neither of them wanted to let go. They loved each other too much to set each other free. And they believed that sometime someday in the future, happiness would be theirs and showing love wouldn't be as hard as right now.
Suddenly, she heard her name being called. Flashes of beautiful dreams of their future vanished. She opened her eyes immediately.
"Who's there?"
No response.
"Hello?"
She shrugged and laid back down. The family wasn't ready yet. She wondered what took them so long to get ready. She was about to dreaming again when she heard another call, calling her name. She got up and walked to the door. "Who's thh.. OMAIGOD! Oh, my GOD!!"
She couldn't believe her eyes but she ran anyway and in seconds she was in his arms. It was true. He was here and she was hugging him. The thought of losing him again made her shuddered and cold so she hugged him tighter. "I miss you so much" and she felt tears in her eyes.
She looked up and said "What are you doing here?" with a confused look. They'd be dead if her family found out that he was here. He smiled her favourite smile and said "I'm here for you". She couldn't help to be mad and be irrelevant at this moment though she had all the rights to be because him showing up here like this was like giving your own neck to the death rope. They'd be dead if her family found out, she repeated. So all she did was smile. Really really smile. Her cheeks hurt but she didn't care.
"You cannot be here" She mumbled in his arms. Half-heartedly meaning it. This wasn't safe. He had been the only thing in her life that was too good to be true. This moment, too, was too good to be true. Far too good.
He was. Because her Mom suddenly appeared out of thin air (not literally but she was just there). They froze. And at that very moment, she knew everything was going to end. There'd be no 'us' anymore. She stepped toward her mother. "Mom, I can explain"
Her face gone white, her hands were shaking and her lips were trembling but she had to do this right. If someone was going to get hurt, it would be no one.
"What do you think you're doing? What makes you think you can come here as you like?" Her eyes were blazing through him sending hates and disapproval. Her eyes shifted on the daughter's white, terrified face. "Get inside" Firm.
"No" She said, immediately. Her voice sounded choked but she could care less about that. Hearing that answer from her daughter did not please her at all. "I said get inside!" she shouted. "This is not right at all! Why do you have to be sneaky? Who do you think you're fooling? You both don't have to do this!"
"And would you let him in if he came through the front door?" she asked. "I doubt you would!" She was already crying.
Her Mom grabbed her hand and threatened her. With a knife. A knife.
"Chase him out and get inside or this knife will be smeared with your blood"
Her jaw dropped. She cannot believe she would hear that from her own mother. Tears were streaming endlessly and she couldn't stop it. She didn't even care about it. She glanced at his face. His face was.. hopeless. Helpless. Blank. He didn't hope for anything, she thought. His face showed that he would understand whatever she chose but he will always love her. He still loved her despite the choices she was going to make. Even though the choice was wrong.
That thought did not help at all.
It was never going to be wrong. It was never wrong. It was impossible to choose between both of them. The choices weren't relevant. She shook her head. "I just want to be with him" she breathed. She was breathing hard, her knees were weak. "I just want us to be happy together without all this" she continued. "I want to be able to tell you how in love I am. I don't want to be discreet about this anymore. I don't want you and Dad to hate him anymore. Let him go and start over." She was sobbing uncontrollably now. "Please.." She felt like she was going to torn apart. I cannot leave him but I cannot leave them too. I need them both.
Her Mom grimaced. "The knife then"
The knife cut her left arm and she can felt the warm blood rushing out of it. Suddenly she felt dizzy. I can do nothing about this. I am helpless. She collapsed and heard a loud, terrifying, agonizing scream. She wondered whose scream it was and tried to cover her ears with both her arms but she couldn't feel her left arm. She couldn't even lift it. Then she realized the scream was hers. Realizing the fact, she started to sob harder. She cried and cried until her eyes felt sore. Until her left arm felt numb. Until everything went blank.
She gasped and opened her eyes. Oh, my God! She was breathing heavily. She searched the room. Still in my room. Same bed, same table, same everything. Today was not the first day of Raya.
She sighed. It was a dream.
It was just a dream.
No knife. No Mom. No him.
Another sigh.
Everything was still the same. Her cheeks were wet, her eyes felt sore. She sighed, again.
That was the worst nightmare ever.