I'm feeling a little gloomy malam nieh. Well, scratch that. I'm gloomy every night of every day. Hahah
Esok sepatutnya keluar dengan Niya and Nae. Plannya begitu lah but diorang belum kasi the kata putus. So yeah. Hope they can make it tomorrow because I miss them BIG TIME. Nae okay lagi. At least ada lah jumpa dari semasa ke semasa walaupun jarang kan. Niya ni haa. Last jumpa memang lah berkurun lamanya. Masa lepas amek result SPM. Lama gila en -.-"
I don't know what to call this state of my life sekarang. Heart-broken? Am I? Ke memang selalunya macam nieh? Cuma sekarang aku ada reason and someone to be the subject of my.. you know, emotional disorder.
I don't even know. I just live. I wake up every morning, buat itu buat ini. Cakap dengan orang nieh orang tu, smile when I have to, laugh when I need to and then balik rumah shut the door, baring and cry. Repeated routines.
I may sound sangat mengada-ngada and macam all those girls yang 'I hate my life. I'm all alone. I just want to be seen' lah ape sume. If I do, pardon moi. I didn't mean to sound like that. I just wanna share.
I try to, like, move forward and leave the past, create new memories and everything. But, being the half-pessimist half-optimist that I am, I don't see what moving forward would give my life any different. Or maybe it's just me yang cannot see.
And sometimes to pretend like we're happy and sunshine lebih menyenangkan. Actually. To listen to someone else's problems macam diri sendiri takde masalah nak fikir lebih senang daripada dengar diri sendiri ramble. You know. To say "I'm fine" when you don't mean it but you just have to say it because you know when you started to spill about one thing, you'd want to spill pasal other unrelated things jugak and then you'll end up crying in bed sebab semua masalah tinggal unsettled.
Let me get this straight, again.
I don't settle. I hate making decisions. That makes me to hate thinking jugak. And I hate getting myself into pressure. I leave things hanging. I'm ignorant. I'm a jerk lah senang citer.
I don't kutuk kutuk myself for attention's sake. I don't blog for attention. And for God's sake, blog nieh memang the only place I can escape to. People don't see this side of me. And I don't even wanna let them see that.
Haishh. Okay dah dah cool down, Fazra. Notes Computer Science tersadai cantik dekat atas meja nieh haa and it's only 11:46am. Kalau tengok movie pon, agak-agak habis dalam pukul satu ke dua. Okay.
Jom layan Letters To Juliet. Thank you for reading.
:)